The Medium #13:

Breaking In

by Karrin Dailey
June 16, 2003

So you want to join the ranks of the social-lifeless, sunlight-fearing gamers who make up this eclectic MU* community. While my first instinct is to tell you to run while you can, my sense of loyalty to the medium (and its constant hunger for fresh blood) compels me instead to say pull up a chair, make yourself comfortable, and let an arthritic dinosaur on her last legs tell you all about it.

What inspired me to write about the MU* experience from the perspective of a newcomer is that, in recent months, I've been forcing myself to go outside and interact with other people. This has resulted in me becoming acquainted with folks who have no idea what a MU* is. These are curious sorts, and I've been asked a lot of questions on the topic of online gaming. Since most of them are at least familiar with table-top RPGs, the focus of these conversations has been MU* and how it's done.

Kathy Pulver has written some good articles on this site in regards to the basics, in a column called "From the Basement." I highly recommend reading them if you want to figure out the nuts and bolts MU* and how to figure out useful commands, resources, and acceptable etiquette. I'm not going to go over that. I'm going to discuss what happens after you've figured all that out, and now you want to find out what you need to know to get into this community. If this article doesn't scare you off, then you might have what it takes to be a MU*er.

It's A Big Community

The first thing you need to realize is that MU* is a big community. It doesn't seem that way at times. When you run into the same people at the same places, and the same core group of people seem to end up at the same games, it feels like there's only about fifteen MU*ers left in the world, and we're all far too familiar with each other for anyone's good. This is because, as the saying goes, birds of a feather flock together, and the same kinds of games tend to draw the same kinds of people.

The reality is that there are many different kinds of games out there, so while at times it seems like I'm seeing the same old virtual ugly-mugs over and over, there are genres out there I've never explored, and players flocking to them who I've never met. I tend to focus on the WoD MU*er, since that's where the bulk of my experience lies. Since I'm not terribly fond of WoD as a game system, perhaps my seething bitterness might start making sense to those of you following along at home.

Anyway, if you find that one genre isn't working for you, it's entirely possible that you'll have better luck trying another, or even looking around at different games within your genre of choice. When you purchase a new car, do you buy the first one you see or do you shop around first? MU* isn't all that different in this regard. If the first game you see doesn't appeal to you, don't give up on the hobby as a whole. If one clique rejects you, don't write off all gamers as elitist snobs. Don't expect to connect with everyone you meet, or even some of them — at least not immediately. Your group is out there, but you've got to go looking for them, because chances are they're not going to come to you.

Watch and Learn

Many online forums I follow have a suggestion to new members: lurk first. Read the forum before you post, get a feel for the group dynamics, and watch what other people are doing before you start posting regularly. The purpose of this is to get an idea of who and what you're dealing with and avoiding a lot of newbie faux pas that result from ignorance of the medium.

It's not easy to lurk in a medium where interaction is the only way anything happens, but there is something to be said for keeping an eye on what others are doing. Understanding basic MU* etiquette is important, but it won't really be put to the test until you're in the thick of it, and your best bet is to watch your fellow players and follow along with what they do. Chances are at least some of them have been around for awhile, and they've already made all the newbie mistakes. One hopes they've at least learned a little from them, and if they're getting along okay with their fellows, it's a good bet they're onto something, and you could learn from them.

Watch, learn, and ask questions. Not everyone you meet online is going to be friendly and helpful, but there are a good number of players who are if you ask politely. First ask if the person in question is busy. Oftentimes if we're focused on a scene in progress, we're not in a good mental place to have a long OOC conversation. If the person you're asking is available, explain that you're a new player interested in learning the ropes. Listen to what people tell you. That doesn't mean you have to do everything someone tells you, but it's important to realize what's going to be expected of a seasoned player. Whether or not you choose to live up to those expectations is entirely up to you, but you're better off at least knowing what they are, so pay attention.

The thing about understand what is expected of you is this: the medium is no longer new, and those of us who helped shape it have mashed it up all nice and cozy, just the way we like it. If a new player comes in and decides s/he is going to shake things up around here, chances are an abrasive approach isn't going to be well received, whereas if a new player gets a feel for the medium before making suggestions, s/he will have a better idea of what to expect, and how s/he can best contribute these new ideas to an established medium.

It's a Popularity Contest

The sad truth is that, to some degree, fitting in within the MU* community is a popularity contest. No one owes you a good time, and everyone comes to play for their own enjoyment. If you want to get asked back and secure for yourself a steady supply of RP, you're going to have to get to a point where the other kids want to play with you. In this regard, a little courtesy can go a long way. The golden rule also applies — treat others with the same respect you would like to receive.

For example, there is a relatively new player on a game where I play. She might be a good RPer, but I'll never know because I can't tolerate her OOC manners long enough to find out. She pages people out of the blue to ask for RP — which is not a crime, and is actually a good way to hook up. The problem is how she asks. I'm going to paraphrase, but the attempts have gone a little something like this:

From afar, X sighs. "Can we RP? I'm bored."

X pages: I suppose your too busy to RP too, huh?

No one in their right mind is going to read this and think it's a great time just waiting to happen. That's because it isn't. Rather, it looks like a passive-aggressive attempt to guilt someone into dropping what they're doing to entertain a total stranger. This is not going to get you RP. This is going to get people making up excuses to not RP, because approaches like this have desperation and clinginess written all over them.

If there is code that allows you to see who is on the grid, look for people in public places. If there aren't any people in public places, park yourself in one and see if that attracts any takers. If it doesn't, you might have to ask around. If you want to break into RP, ask politely if your potential score is available. Expect to be told no the first few times. It's nothing personal. When someone logs in, it's usually for a reason. If I'm logged into a game, it's because I'm either RPing or looking for RP. In the case of the former, I'm not available to start a new scene; in the case of the latter, my character is somewhere in public, and you're welcome to join. Getting all huffy (especially at other players) when someone tells you no isn't going to win you any takers, whereas if you're cool about it, players will remember for future consideration.

Here is an example of an RP request that would make a seasoned player like myself interested in a scene with a new player:

Newbie pages: Hey there. I'm relatively new here, and I'm looking to get into some RP. Are you interested?

Dino-Me pages: In theory, but I'm not available right now. Take a rain check?

Newbie pages: Okay, maybe another time.

Sure, the new player doesn't get instant gratification, but I would remember that politeness, and the next time I logged in, ready for a fresh scene, chances are good I'd page this player and ask if s/he was available to cash in on that rain check. I value new blood on a game, and people who are polite and patient impress me. Though speaking from a personal perspective, I don't think I'm alone in this.

Wrapping Up

The bottom line is, if you want to join us, figure out who we are and try to get along. Most MU*ers I interact with regularly have no problem with newbies; it's abrasive people who refuse to learn the ropes that they have a problem with. Pay attention to what others are doing, and realize that if they're doing it, that's probably because that's how it's done — at least on any particular game. If the Way Things are Done goes against what you're looking for, shop around until you find a place where the Way Things are Done matches up with the things you want to do.

Be polite and receptive to the advice of others. Remember that helping out a new player is not obligatory, and if someone is willing to take time out of their own enjoyment of the medium to give the new guy or gal a helping hand, that a little appreciation is in order. Some of the things we do might seem strange, so ask questions rather than criticizing because chances are we're not going to change what we're doing just because someone we've barely met thinks it's odd.

Finally, making mistakes is not going to get you ostracized. We've all made our share. Making mistakes and refusing to acknowledge or learn from them is what's going to get you ostracized, so I can't emphasize this enough: pay attention and be receptive to the advice of seasoned players. Believe it or not, we occasionally know what we're talking about.