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Old 02-07-2005, 02:51 PM
Nookie420 Nookie420 is offline
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Posts: 2,116
Heh....Andrew is my Hero...

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealAndrew2
Q: What is blue and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
A: A baby with slashed floaties.

Q: What is green-black and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
A: The same baby three weeks later.

Q: What's red and yellow and floats on top of the pool?
A: Floaties with a slashed baby.

Q: What's red and sits in a highchair?
A: A baby eating razor-blades.


Q: What is red and white and squirms in the corner?
A: Dead Baby playing with razor blades.

Q: What is red, white and green and sits in a corner?
A: Same baby 3 weeks later.

Q: What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A: A baby playing in a plastic bag.

Q: What's blue and sits in the corner?
A1: Baby in a cellophane bag.
A2: Dead Baby playing with saranwrap.

Q: What is green and sits in the corner?
A: Same dead baby two weeks later!

Q: What is Baskin Robbin's flavor of the month this month?
A: Blue Baby Cheesecake.
(There is a flavor of the month called Blueberry Cheesecake)

Q: And where did you get these babies?
A: Abortion Clinic.

Q: (At Abortion clinic) "Boy, what are these people doing?
I can't get in because they block my way. I want my float!"
A: They are pro-life people. They don't like sweet stuffs.

Q1: What's red and white and bubbles all over?
Q2: What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window?
Q3. What is brown and taps on a window?
Q4: What's pink and red and bangs on the window ?
Q5: What is black and bubbly and taps on glass?
A: A baby in the microwave.

Q: What is black and bubbly and taps on glass every ten seconds?
A: Dead baby in a carousel microwave!
(works best if told while in a swivel chair)

Q: What's blue and knocks on glass?
A: A baby in a fishtank

Q: What is charred black and smells really bad?
A1: A baby chewing on an extension cord.
A2: A baby in the fireplace.

Q1: What is red and swings back and forth?
Q2: What's pink and red and sways back and forth, back and forth...?
Q3: What's red and hangs four feet off the floor?
A: Dead baby on a meathook.

Q: How do you know when an elephant has been in the baby carriage?
A: By the footprints on the baby's forehead!
(damn elephants get into everything!)

Q: What do elephants use for ben-wa balls?
A: Dead babies.

Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It was stapled to the chicken.

Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was stapled to the koala.

Q: Why did the tree fall over?
A: The koala never let go.

Q: Why did the kangaroo die?
A: Because the koala landed on it.

Q: How do you get a baby out of a tree?
A: You give a Mexican a stick and tell him it's a penata!

Q: What has 4 legs and one arm?
A: A Doberman on a children's playground!

Q: What is more fun than stapling dead babies to the wall?
A: Pulling them off.

Q: What's more fun than nailing a baby to a fence?
A: Ripping it back off.

Q1: What's red and white and goes 'round and 'round?
Q2: What goes red white, red red, white white red...?
Q3: What is pink and red and goes round and round?
Q4: What's pink and with a flick of a switch turns red?
Q5: What's red and chunky and travels, in a circle, at 190 mph ?
A: A baby in a blender

Q: Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
A: So you can see the expression on its face!

Q: Why do you stick a baby in the blender face first?
A: So you can see it's feet pulling up into tiny little fists!

Q1: How do you get 1000 dead babies in a phone booth?
Q2: How do you get 10 dead babies into a tupperware bowl?
A1: La' Machine!
A2: Use a blender

Q: How do you get it out?
A1: With a straw!
A2: Doritos

Q: What is worse than a dead baby in a garbage can?
A: Ten dead babies in a garbage can.

Q: What is worse than 10 dead babies in a garbage can?
A: One dead baby in a ten garbage cans.

Q: What's worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid?
A: A trashcan lid in a dead baby.

Q: What do you do with 4 dead babies and a sheet of glass?
A: Make a coffee table.

Q: What is easier to unload, a truck full of Dead Babies or a truck full
of bowling balls?
A: Dead Babies, you can use a pitchfork

Q: What's the difference between a truck load of dead babies and a truck
load of bricks?
A: You can't use a pitchfork on bricks.

Q: What's the difference between a barrel of water and a barrel of babies?
A: You can't shovel water with a pitchfork.

Q: How do you load 100 screaming babies onto a truck?
A: A pitchfork.

Q: How do you unload a truck full of babies?
A: With a pitchfork.

Q: Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?
A: So you can tell which ones are still alive.

Q: What's this? (hold arms out and shake them)
A: A live one.

Q: How do you know when you hit a live one?
A: The pitchfork shakes

Q: How do you find the live baby in a pile of dead ones?
A: Jab 'em all with a pitchfork.

Q: What is worse than that?
A: At the bottom of the pile, there was one trying to eat its way out

Q: What is worse than that?
A: It made it

Q: What is worse than that?
A: It went back for seconds!

Q. Whats more fun that spinning a baby on clothes line?
A. Stopping it with a shovel.

Q: What's more fun that spinning a baby on a clothesline at 100MPH?
A: Stopping it with a cricket bat (thwok)

Q: What is worse than running a baby over with a car?
A: Getting it out of the tires.

Q: How is a baby like a grape?
A: They both give a little wine when you squish them.

Q: What's small, red, and can't turn around in corridors?
A: A baby with a javelin through its head.

Q: How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
A: Stick a javelin through it's head.

Q: What's small, red and can't get into elevators?
A: A baby with a javelin in it's head.

Q: What does a dingo call a baby in a pram?
A: Meals on wheels.

Q: What is pink, and with the flick of a switch, goes black?
A: A baby playing with a powerpoint.

Q: What's black and furry and crawls across New South Wales?
A: A baby covered in Funnel-Web spiders.
( PS. Funnel-Web Spiders are black and furry )

Q: What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A: A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.

Q: What's red, sits in the front of mirror, and gets smaller and smaller?
A: A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler.

Q: Whats red and white and screams?
A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

Q: What's the proper gift for a dead baby?
A: A dead puppy.

----------

Q: What is red and crawls up your leg?
A: A homesick abortion!

----------

Q: What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A: A baby with forks in its eyes.

----------

Q: What is red and hangs around in trees?
A: A baby that was hit by a snow thrower.

Q: What's red and white and is spread all over the lawn?
A: A baby run over by a lawn mower.

Q: What's red, white and green and is spread all over the lawn?
A: Same baby, two months later.

----------

Q: Why don't dead babies drive BMWs?
A: Because BMW jokes are almost as old as dead baby jokes! Sheish!! Get a
life, why don't you?!

----------

Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as it takes to make a pile high enough to reach the light bulb with.

----------

Q: What's more fun than nailing a baby to a fence?
A: Ripping it back off.

----------

Q: What's pink and spits?
A: A baby in a frying pan.

----------

Q: What is bright blue, pink, and sizzles.
A: A baby trying to breast feed from an electrical outlet.

----------

Q: What is pink and red and gurgles?
A: A baby munching on razor blades.

----------

Q: What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
A: Twins in an acid bath.

----------

Q: How do you stop a baby from looking up at you with that cute little
baby face and gurgling happily with that little baby mouth and waving at
you with those little baby fingers and little baby toes?
A: Gouge its eyes out.

----------

Q: Why is it so groovy to be a test tube baby?
A: Because you get a womb with a view.

----------

Q: What is a sure way to stop a baby from crying?
A: With an axe.

----------

Q: What's better than tying babies to your bumper and crashing?
A: Tying them to your tires and skidding.

----------

Q: Why does the husband always bring boiling water at a birth?
A: In case the baby dies, he can make soup.

----------

Q : Whats the worst thing a blind, deaf baby can get for Christmas ?
A : Cancer *eeeeeewwwwwwww*

----------

Q : Whats white and bobs up and down in a baby's cot ?
A : A Paedophiles arse

----------

Q: What do vegetarian dingos eat?
A: Cabbage patch kids.

----------

Q: What do you call a baby on a stick?
A: A Kebabie.

Q: What do you call a baby on a stick with no kidneys?
A: Doner Kebabie.

Q: What did the mother say to the baby on a stick that was crying?
A: "Shush, Kebabie!"

----------

Q: What is the definition of revenge?
A: A baby with a dingo in its mouth.

----------

Q: What's the difference between a baby and a bagel?
A: You can put a bagel in the toaster. You have to put the baby in the oven.

Q. What is brown and keeps it's juices in?
A. A baby in an oven bag.

----------

Q: How do you spoil a baby?
A: Leave it out in the sun.

----------

Q: Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic?
A: Dead babies make the best chum.

----------

Q: What's charred black and smells really bad?
A: A baby playing with a blow torch.

Andrew.
Heh...
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Quote:
Originally posted by Blackening
As strange as it feels to say this, Nookie wins this thread.
Quote:
Originally posted by Max Powers
The mighty Nookie reveals the secrets of TEC greatness!
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  #2  
Old 02-07-2005, 03:08 PM
Cloudy Cloudy is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: On the dark side of the Moon
Posts: 2,620
Q: Whats the difference between a dead baby and a rock?

A: Can't F**k a rock.

Q: Why did the girl fall off the swing?

A: Cause she had no arms.
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  #3  
Old 02-07-2005, 03:29 PM
Miriam Miriam is offline
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Location: Xanadu
Posts: 3,419
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Why repost this? Oh, I know why.

Aischrolatreia.

Miriam's word for the day. Consider it yours. It's nothing if not apt.
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  #4  
Old 02-07-2005, 03:32 PM
Blackening Blackening is offline
Marf.
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 15,502
Quote:
Originally posted by Miriam
Why repost this? Oh, I know why.

Aischrolatreia.

Miriam's word for the day. Consider it yours. It's nothing if not apt.
Filthy Smut!
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  #5  
Old 02-07-2005, 08:30 PM
tokyohigh tokyohigh is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Saskatoon Saskatchewan
Posts: 1,430
Dead baby jokes rule
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  #6  
Old 02-08-2005, 08:39 AM
Krythis Krythis is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Virginia, USA.
Posts: 572
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A little on the long side though, someone sure hates babies.

*eyeshifts*
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  #7  
Old 02-08-2005, 09:40 AM
Solartuna Solartuna is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: NY State
Posts: 1,768
I got a sense of humor.

That just hurt, though.

I have a baby.

And no, I didn't read all of it.
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  #8  
Old 02-09-2005, 10:42 AM
Nookie420 Nookie420 is offline
I'm a Woman Damnit
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 2,116
*bump*
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Quote:
Originally posted by Blackening
As strange as it feels to say this, Nookie wins this thread.
Quote:
Originally posted by Max Powers
The mighty Nookie reveals the secrets of TEC greatness!
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  #9  
Old 02-09-2005, 09:37 PM
shannonmc shannonmc is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 217
Yeah, I didn't find them amusing at all.
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