In my previous article, I talked about handling RL situations that come up in RP with respect for both the topic and the other people involved in the scene. This time, I’m going to talk about the intensity that can come with those emotionally gripping scenes, and how to experience that in a positive way without letting things get out of hand.

The first point to address is whether or not you want to get into those tearjerker scenes that leave you sniffling at your keyboard going through boxes of tissue and possibly a few months of therapy. Some people just aren’t interested, and that’s fine. We all come to MU* for different reasons, and if getting deeply emotionally involved in your RP isn’t your thing, then don’t do it. Have your fun, and let others have theirs. The reverse is also true; if you’re really into powerfully emotional scenes, that’s well and good, but don’t force them on others.

So this article is geared mainly toward people who are looking for emotional involvement in their RP. What I mean by that are those scenes that draw you in so intensely, you end up empathizing with your character, feeling what s/he feels, or sympathizing for his/her situation to the point where you’re giddy with laughter or weeping like a schoolgirl. I’m not saying this is the only kind of RP there is, or even that it’s the best. I’m just saying that if this is what you’re looking for, then this is my advice for finding it, enjoying it, and knowing when to draw the line between empathy and unhealthy involvement.

Getting There

The first thing you need to figure out is what you’re looking for. Figure out and define for yourself which topics interest you, and which you’d rather not deal with. There are also boundaries within topics where your intrigue might turn to revulsion, and it’s important to know where those lines should be drawn. Realize that on non-consent games, you might not have the option of drawing out of a scene, but you might be able to fade-to-black. Regardless, know where your limits are, and don’t be afraid to express them. Remember no one can make you do anything online. The ‘QUIT’ command is always there. Using it to dodge IC consequences is low. It’s also cheating. However, if you’re getting pushed into something you can’t handle, step back and leave the scene. Entertainment – your own or someone else’s – is not worth losing sleep or sanity over.

This doesn’t mean you should page every person you RP with a list of your dos and don’ts. Personally, I keep my RP pretty casual with strangers, and if something intense happens, I’ll go with it and see what unfolds. I don’t go looking for it with every person I see on the grid. If I’ve RP’d with someone often, and if we’ve developed a friendly OOC rapport, the topic of exploring some intense topics might get broached. That is when I talk about my limits and ask them about theirs. Frankly, some of these topics are just too personal to discuss with a total stranger, and if I’m not even willing to discuss it OOC, chances are I’m not going to be looking to get into it IC.

So now that you’ve found someone you’re willing to delve into intense RP with, and you’ve both communicated where you draw the line in terms of what exactly you’re willing to explore, here comes the kicker: don’t force it. Just RP. The problem with trying too hard to get into something is that you lose touch with the character’s goals and personality, and you think too much about what you’re looking for as a player. The best advice I can offer for finding those intense scenes is to simply immerse yourself in your character and let yourself explore the scene from his/her perspective. You might not end up immediately reaching for the box of tissues and marveling over how this is the best RP you’ve ever had. The most intense scenes take time to develop, and there is usually some kind of build up to them. Let that part happen in its own due course.

If, after some RP, nothing seems to be developing, it could be that the other person involved is waiting for you to do something. You can either talk to them about it, or if you’re in a storytelling mood, make something happen. Think about your character, and the things s/he is capable of; also consider the things that are capable of happening to him/her. I’ve noticed that this is usually a trade-off, and players take turns moving the direction of the story. Sometimes NPCs need to be introduced to move things along. Just try not to take over the RP, but also don’t settle the burden of storytelling squarely on the shoulders of the other person. This is another instance in which communication is valuable.

Now What?

So you’ve hit that moment where the RP is intense, and you’re sniffling like a wuss, and it’s the coolest thing ever. Now what? Enjoy it. For some people, this is the pinnacle of the online RP experience. There are a number of players out there who would say that you have officially arrived. Congratulations. This could be one of those scenes you never forget, and you’ll be harassing your non-gamer friends with stories for months to come.

There are just a few things I’d suggest you keep in mind, though. As intense as the RP is, it is ultimately not happening to you, nor has your relationship with your fellow player become something deeper. While they may be special to you as a fellow hobbyist and maybe even a friend, they don’t have the same relationship your characters might, and they certainly aren’t your therapist. Scenes like this can open one up, and you might feel a closer bond to the person you’re playing with. That’s fine, as long as you don’t start unloading on them. Your personal life is still your personal life, and how much of that you should share OOC is a matter of trust and discretion.

Mind you, some people do become closer OOC as a result of these scenes, and real friendships might come of the experience. That’s all well and good. Just don’t get IC confused with OOC, and don’t forget that the brilliant person who just rocked your world, on the other side of the screen, is a human being with his/her own issues. I’ve mentioned communication before, and I’m going to mention it again. It’s your friend. If you’re not sure how much you should share OOC, ask. Don’t assume. Particularly when you’re feeling more open because of this great scene you’ve just had, miscommunication can be even more confusing and hurtful than usual. Tread lightly.

Going Overboard

Usually these scenes are great for what they are, and the people who enjoy them get a charge out of them and then move on. Sometimes the emotions that come up linger. It’s not anyone’s fault, and you can’t always predict when something is going to move you in a particular way, or what the fallout from that is going to be. If you do get into a scene that has some lingering emotional residue, don’t feel stupid about it, but don’t ignore it, either. If something is affecting you so strongly, there is probably a reason for it that has nothing to do with the scene you’ve played.

Don’t blame the other people involved in the scene, and for the love of fuzzy kittens, don’t hold them responsible for it, either. Remember, these people are players, just like you. They may not even be your friends, and even if they are, they’re not your therapists. If something is really bothering you about what happened in RP, in such a way that it’s affecting your real life, seek help. MU*s are not the places you want to go for this help, either. I reiterate: we’re gamers. Do you really want us handling your problems?

If you’ve participated in an intense scene in which the other person is affected like this, don’t blame yourself. You might feel like you’re responsible for stirring up trouble, but if the person you’re playing with is that badly affected, either they weren’t honest about their limits, or there were problems existing before the scene was ever played. Don’t feel like it’s your responsibility to make it all better. It’s a fine thing to be supportive, but I wouldn’t suggest trying to fix anyone else’s life. That’s too large a job for someone who isn’t a trained professional. If you feel like someone is looking to you to make it better, tell them honestly that you can’t. Suggest they get help. They might resent you in the short-term, but they’re better off in the long run, and so are you.

Also, I would advise against being contemptuous. Just because something doesn’t move you the same way it moves someone else doesn’t make either of you wrong. Everyone has baggage, and if you think you don’t, you’re deluding yourself. If someone being affected by something irritates you so much you would bash them for it, maybe you should examine yourself. There might be some issues of your own you’re not facing. Either way, no matter what happens on which side of the equation, don’t make your problem someone else’s problem.

In the end, it may seem like much ado about nothing, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. Intensity in RP is a double-sided coin, and the flipside to all that riveting drama are the emotional issues which that drama can stir up. Understanding the nature of what you’re getting into can prevent the bad stuff from happening while creating a nice safe atmosphere for the good stuff to unfold. In the end, what it comes down to is what so much in life, both online and off, comes down to: mutual respect and communication.

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